Thursday, August 17, 2006

Chapter 3: The Cold War years

The 1960’s brought turbulent times for Neskk, who was only just recovering from the death of his much loved fiancée. Her death turned his heart to ice and subsequently resulted in the Cold War between the Soviet Union and the USA as they fought over who cared more about Neskk’s feelings.

From 1957-1970 Neskk was mysteriously missing from the public eye and as such many rumours regarding his whereabouts surfaced. The most popular of these was that he adopted the pseudonym John Lennon and formed ‘The Beatles’. This is mostly false; the truth is Neskk was all four members of The Beatles, as well as their guitars and Ringo’s left drum-stick. Two other theories have been posed to explain Neskk’s absence during these 13 years. Firstly the outlandish theorem put forward by Dr. Adolphus Dremensteinman Esquire that suggests Neskk was posing as the country of Vietnam, hosting (and playing puppet-master) to the hostilities between South and North Vietnam. Secondly and more generally accepted among academic circles is that Neskk spent the years from 1965-1970 travelling back in time (in a machine reportedly fashioned from an envelope and a great white shark). The purpose of these chronological cruises was purely recreational, travelling back in time to hunt dinosaurs with his best friend who was made of scissors. Finally and perhaps most controversially was the theory that Neskk in fact WAS the years 1957 to 1970 after learning that the universe had momentarily stopped expanding. In order to properly correct this anomaly Neskk was forced to become time (by eating over 102,786,000 alarm clocks) itself for over a decade until the universe had returned to normal. Of course, all 4 theories are probably true.

Neskk returned to the world stage as himself at the beginning of 1970 springing into action early. On January 12th he ended the Nigerian Civil War using only a small Cambodian child prostitute (which he later ate). Three hours later he invented pins and the direction up, hence becoming the first pin-up boy to the delight of many female (and male) fans. After throwing the first Japanese satellite, the Osumi, into space in February, and also starred in the World Cup scoring four goals for Brazil, Neskk spent the rest of the year working for a successful law firm as both the CEO and the office block that housed operations. By now Neskk decided he was ready for bigger things and so he decided it was now time to assume his adult form.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Chapter 2: The Teenage Years

After Nesk’s extended gap year upon finishing school and his subsequent invention of excretion he decided it was time to focus his blinding intellect on more advanced learnings. For this reason Neskk attended Harvard, MIT and Cambridge and simultaneously completing a combined degree of Law, Engineering and Medicine respectively. During his time at these universities he served as tutor, lecturer and dean of each respective faculty. He influenced each of these faculties greatly by his invention of the book. However there was also a great stain upon his time at university, one that Neskk has tried to put behind him for the last twenty-seven thousand years. One wintry morning, after an especially bad Pakistani dinner, Neskk found himself in a dangerous predicament where he had run out of toilet paper in the public toilet. Luckily Neskk kept a tree in his pocket and was able to fashion a crude book which he used to wipe his own sphincter. This book which he deposited in the bin was later found by a complete loser (who was also a homosexual, unemployed, mentally retarded, ugly and gay) who worshiped the shit covered book like a God. He gathered other students to his call and thus the Arts Faculty was born. Neskk has never lived down the day. His post-graduate studies in Gypsy Magicks were however cut short when he joined the fight against the communist menace in North Korea and Jupiter.

Neskk served with much distinction earning the nickname “Korean Lightning” after he courageously destroyed seven Chinese M921 tanks using only his watch and a hand glass. It was here that Neskk’s love of medicine bloomed and he managed to find a cure to Asian Pox, which claimed over 1800 lives in the Korean conflict prior to his discovery. He managed to defeat the whole North Korean offensive with one decisive blow from his bulging bicep. Also during this time Neskk met his first wife Byung-soon Park. It was a warm summer morning and Neskk was patrolling Siberia when he stumbled into a communist booby-trap while attempting to juggle 19 live grenades. The trap was sprung and Neskk spent the next 6 days pinned to the floor surviving only on his hatred for Communism.

On the 7th day of the ordeal, when Neskk thought he could only take another two or three years without food and water a young Korean girl stumbled across the lone soldier and freed him (many have of course theorised as to why Neskk didn’t just free himself but as they say, Neskk only knows). The courtship of Byung-soon lasted 5 years and has become known as the ‘2nd Renaissance’ however she died during their honeymoon, where he traveled with her to Alderaan, not realising that she was unable to survive a direct hit from the Death Star. From that day on Neskk took a vow of celibacy and forever dedicated his life to the improvement of the human race.

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

First Chapter of Neskk's Biography up now! Chapter 1: The Early Years (Millenia in Neskk's case)

The Early Years

Zeus K. Rockefeller Esquire (who later changed his name to Neskk to avoid paparazzi following his invention of shoelaces) was born on the 25th of December, 1940, to a poor Laotian/Dutch family in the deep jungles near Borobudur. He was one of eighteen children born that day, seven of which were suspiciously stillborn. Luckily Neskk was the eighth child born that day and he was able to successful oversee the birth of the next nine children. Each of these nine children would become figures of worldwide renown, some for good and some for evil. Neskk’s youngest sister is probably the best known. Known to Neskk simply as Dorothy, to the rest of the world, Adolf Hitler. Neskk has a typical childhood spending much of his time on his grandfather’s (Gandalf the White) enchanted tower hunting unicorns. Neskk’s above-average intelligence was recognized early in his schooling when for a grade six science project he submitted a piece he entitled “The Investigation of the State of Aether in Magnetic Fields” which was later stolen by Albert Einstein. Of note also is that for a grade three ‘show-and-tell’ Neskk brought in his left bicep which impressed classmates and teacher alike. He was no stranger to the sports field competing in the school team for swimming, soccer, tennis, rugby, basketball, baseball and polo (for which Neskk was the only player to not require a horse). At the age of 9 he played for the Junior Wallabies squad in the 1949 Rugby World Cup in Sri Lanka, where his innovative playmaking resulted in the invention of running. High School set the precedent for the rest of Neskk’s life. He was a favourite among the teachers and was popular with all students. No more was this more evident than on Prom Night when Neskk won both Prom King and Queen. Neskk participated liberally in extra-curricular activities such as the audio-visual society where he directed his first home-made movie entitled ‘The Godfather.’ Also an avid member of the Junior Politics society Neskk was integral in the formation and implementation of Chamberlain’s appeasement policy. It should also be noted that Neskk held the position of head-master for two years while simultaneously serving as a student. On graduation day Neskk was voted ‘most likely to physically heal earth’ (perhaps a foreshadowing of his heal the world antics of later years) as well as ‘greatest all-round sportsman’ and ‘most likely to earn one million dollars’ (which he fulfilled the following day). Neskk took a 17 and a half year gap year before he ventured into university. Some of his best known exploits during this period was his single-handed defeat of Operation Barbarossa and dropping himself on both Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Neskk returned to the known world at the ripe age of 15 ready to usher in a new age of civilisation after his six year rule as Sultan of Brunei.

Only recorded picture supposedly capturing Neskk during one of his many rages.

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

More Updates in the coming weeks!

Our intention is to print for you a new chapter of Neskk's biography each week! Tell your friends, even the dead ones!

Exciting news! - Introductions finished to Neskk's biography!

The Rise and Further Rising of Neskk

This Book is dedicated to Neskk A.K.A Optimus Prime A.K.A Nesk A.K.A Jesus A.K.A Hannibal A.K.A The Red Baron A.K.A Michael Jordan A.K.A Wonder Woman A.K.A Nsk A.K.A Dad.

Introduction by the Authors (Prophets/Disciples)

As I sit down to write about one of my oldest friends, I feel both a sense of joy and remorse for times gone-by. Joy, the joy of sharing experiences with the very founder of friendship, the man with whom all peoples are considered a friend. And remorse, remorse that somewhere in my mind I know that one day Neskk will die the vicious and gruelling death that has been prophesised for over a thousand years. Nesk is the definitive God amongst men; wise beyond his years, strong, intelligent, clerical and with eyes that shoot lasers. Whether sharing a bite to eat at the local café or climbing Mount Everest with his eye-lids Neskk has always stood by me, (more literally so when I lost my leg and Neskk spent 9 years as a substitute without any complaints). The following biography is but one mans tribute to Neskk and the facts herein should be taken as merely a taste of what Neskk has brought to this world, so as they say, the Neskk must go on! - Syneiko (1872-1918, died from mustard gas in the siege of La Toure).

I’m not going to lie. I was born a Homosexual and thus I led a life that was full of hardship, inferiority and vicious sodomy. It was not until I met Neskk, crossing the Gobi Desert with Chi Qin Falong, the Emperor of Manchuria as his concubine, that I was truly reborn as a follower of all that is Neskk. I remember it like yesterday! His long striding steps, large masculine biceps and decidedly un-Jewish nose caught my attention immediately and turned my life around. No longer was I afflicted by that foul disease known as homosexuality! For this reason my life became Neskk or as Neskk put it in his favourite dialect (binary): “01001011 01101001 01101100 01101100 00100000 01100001 01101100 01101100 00100000 01100110 01100001 01100111 01100111 01101111 01110100 01110011”. Since this is only the introduction to this epic history of Neskk I’ll try to keep it brief. By far my best memory of Neskk was our trip into dark Africa where Neskk invented the Negroes, slavery and the Serengeti. This adventure was more recently plagiarised by Joseph Conrad in his Heart of Darkness, where it is quite clear every character in the book is based upon Neskk himself. Neskk’s invention of friendship was also another highlight of our adventures. But there is much to cover so without further ado I will leave you with one of my favourite Neskinese quotes: “Great shot, Neskk! One in a million!” - Sprattmann (1982-403BC, died on one of Neskk’s many time travel adventures).

Thursday, April 13, 2006

The Rise and Further Rising of Neskk!

Soon the most educational and inspiring biography about Nesk will be released! Titled "The Rise and Further Rising of Neskk!"!!! Co-written by the prophets and followers of Neskk this bible of Neskkology details Neskk's many achievements throughout his life! Stay tuned for periodic chapers!